Professional Patient

The Ten Opportunities of Illness from Tiffany at Sick Girl Speaks

Tiffany at Sick Girl Speaks has a brilliant post that is well worth a read - how illness (chronic, or the acute, life-threatening kind) can transform our lives in positive ways.

Read more: The Ten Opportunities of Illness. 

The Caretaking Hokey Pokey

According to the AARP Public Policy Institute policy brief “Valuing the Invaluable: A New Look at the Economic Value of Family Caregiving,” there were between 30 million and 38 million adult caregivers in 2006 caring for someone who needs help with daily living. That’s 1 in every 10 adults. 

Last week, I got a chance to try short-term caregiving. My hubby has been sick for over a week… vertigo, nausea, brain fog, fatigue. Unable to get out of bed for a few days, then only able to teeter totter from bedroom to bath, maybe to the living room, and back to bed. So I was his caretaker for once, rather than him taking care of me. It was finally my chance to treat him with TLC, patience, and kindness. And it was incredibly challenging, for so many reasons:

It was exhausting. I’m already tired, and here I was doing all of my work plus some of his as well. (Why is it that we never appreciate how much our partner contributes to caring for the household until they are not around to do it?) I felt like I was just going, going, going, without a moment to rest.

It was unpredictable. One day he got a terrible craving for a milkshake. He hadn’t eaten much in days, so off we went, at a moment when I desperately needed to be at home resting or doing chores. Another day he told me his doctor had called in a prescription to our local pharmacy… about a half-hour before closing time. Which meant a mad dash to the pharmacy. I like life more predictable, and this kind of thing certainly is not! 

It was lonely. I live with my hubby and my pets. When hubby isn’t up and around, talking or even just sharing the same space with me, it’s quiet. No dinnertime conversation, no evening pre-bed chat. I missed my husband so much, even though he was right there in the house with me. And because I was running around, taking care of him and the house, I had less time to stay in touch with friends and family, too. 

The person you are caring for isn't at his or her best, so it’s easy for things to get out of hand. The person you are caring for isn’t feeling well. They may be addled by medication, scared, angry, needy and helpless in attitude, cranky, or withdrawn. All of the communication they give you will be affected because the niceties we use to smooth over our every day interactions with each other (thinking before we speak, choosing what not to say, please and thank you, etc.) are missing. You may find yourself falling into arguments very easily.

Overall, it was maddening and frustrating. It’s amazing how quickly you can come to resent someone when caring for them seems to push caring for yourself right off the to do list. The added demands on your time, your earnest wishes for them to get better (who wants to see a loved one feeling miserable), the social silence… I had to go jump in a lake (OK, not a lake, but the local YMCA pool) to calm down at one point. 

Caretaker resources and support:

Preventing Caregiver Burnout: Tips and Support for Family Caregiversprovides a slew of helpful tips and links to related resources.

Family Caregiving 101, from the National Family Caregivers Association and the National Alliance for Caregiving 

Caregiver.com includes a Regional Resources page that allows you to find local caregiver support groups by state/county.